Road Trip
by Byrdde
Summary: SG-1 takes a little detour on their way to Washington… [FINISHED!]
1. Lost

I really don't know where this came from, but I'm sure that the sugar I had before writing it is largely at fault. Hope someone out there enjoys it, though.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or affiliated characters…not yet, anyhow.

~

"Okay, let's go over this one more time," said Daniel slowly. "Sam has a doctorate in Astrophysics - a field that requires a more than passing knowledge of where hundreds of star systems are."

"Right."

"And she was the one who managed to calculate the possible number of combinations the Stargate allows for, telling us how many worlds it may be possible for us to visit in the entire cosmos."

"Uh huh."

"And she can do amazing things with numbers and figures in her head, including remember the 'addresses' of hundreds of planets."

"Yes."

"Then why, exactly, don't you trust her interpretation of a street map?"

Jack glared at Daniel, who was leaning into the front seat of the small car, while trying to watch for an exit conveniently close to a fast food joint at the same time.

"Danny, trust me," he said. "I know where we're going!"

"Where is that, Jack?"

"Washington," said Jack. "The capitol. I've been there a hundred times!"

"You usually fly."

"Guys," cut in Sam.

"What?" snapped Jack. Trying to hide a smug grin, she pointed to a sign.

Thank you for visiting North Carolina.

"We're leaving North Carolina?" asked Jack in disbelief. "When'd we _arrive_?"

"About three hours ago, Colonel O'Neill," said Teal'c from his seat next to Daniel. "When you were searching for a golden arch."

"Golden Arches, Teal'c," said Jack. "As in…never mind….so where are we?" Sam pointed again.

Welcome to Tennessee…Visitors center next exit.

"Tennessee? We're supposed to be in Washington in an hour!"

"As I was saying, Sir. We got onto the wrong interstate," said Sam, once more fiddling with the map.

"Uh…Jack?"

"Why didn't anyone tell me when we were entering North Carolina? I mean, it's _North Carolina_. We're going to Washington DC from Colorado!"

"Jack?"

"It's worse then that, Sir."

"How?"

"Jack?"

"We entered North Carolina from the south."

"From the south? How the hell did we do that? And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Jack?"

"I figured that, by that point, Sir, we were actually heading back toward Washington, so there didn't seem to be much point in it. Especially since you weren't interested when we drove through the everglades."

"We were in _Florida_?"

"Jack!"

"For crying out loud, Danny, what is it?"

Daniel slumped back into his seat. "Never mind, Jack. It's not important anymore."

"What's not important anymore?"

"I believe Daniel Jackson is referring to the fact that we just passed the last exit for the next five hundred miles," supplied Teal'c.

Jack groaned.

NB: Okay, that was odd, I know. If, however, anyone is interested in more, please tell me…


	2. Gasoline and Coffee

Don't ask, just don't ask.

~

"Does this seem like a bad idea to anyone else?" asked Daniel, eyeing the gravel road suspiciously.

"For goodness sakes, Danny, it's a summer camp!" said Jack, steering the rental car onto the tree shaded access road.

"We don't know that there's anyone there who can help us! This is the middle of nowhere, anyone could be back there."

"There are a few other disadvantages to being in the middle of nowhere," said Jack, checking the fuel gage. "Such as we haven't passed a gas station in hours and we're down to less than an eighth of a tank."

"And no cell phone pick up," reminded Sam.

"I see no reason to be nervous, Daniel Jackson," said Teal'c. "Surely nothing back there can be more dangerous than the Gou'ald." Daniel decided not to state his personal feelings on that.

At some point the previous day - presumably during Sam's fifteen minute catnap - Jack had managed to get them off course _again_. They were now in the heart of West Virginia, almost out of gas, and more than a day overdue in Washington. To top it all off, there had been no coffee stops since early that morning and Daniel had finished his last book a few hours before. Everyone else was perfectly willing to risk everything from a summer camp to an illegal gambling ring to escape from being in the same small car as a bored, caffeine deprived Doctor Jackson.

They drove out from underneath the trees and found themselves driving along the side of an abandoned baseball field. There was a slight clunk from the dashboard region of the car.

"What was that?" asked Daniel nervously.

"Air conditioner just gave out," said Sam.

"Can you fix it?" She gave him a disbelieving stare. 

"It's an air conditioner, Daniel. What do I look like, a mechanic?"

"Whoa, kids!" said Jack. "Allow me to perform a minor miracle. Voila!" He rolled down his window, filling the car with muggy, late summer air.

"Guess it'll have to do for now," muttered Sam, rolling her window down as well.

"It appears as if it will soon rain," observed Teal'c.

"Yeah, it does," agreed Jack, squinting up at the sky. "Hope we find the campers soon."

They drove along in silence for a few moments, all thinking about what they were supposed to be doing in Washington at that point.

"Did you hear that?" asked Daniel suddenly.

"Hear what?" said Jack. "Danny, I think you're paranoid."

"I too heard a noise, Colonel O'Neill," said Teal'c.

"Sir, I think I hear something too," added Sam.

"Well, I didn't hear anything," said Jack again.

Daniel muttered something about old men being deaf.

"What was that, Daniel?" said Jack sharply.

"I need coffee, Jack. I get mean when I don't get coffee."

Just as they crested a small hill, a blast of sound washed over them.

"What the hell was that?" shouted Jack, nearly swerving off the road. Daniel started laughing. "What's so funny, Spacemonkey?"

Everyone followed Daniel's pointing finger to where the noise was coming from. It took Jack a moment to see exactly what all the people were doing there, as they all seemed to be carrying brightly polished and highly reflective objects.

"You've got to be kidding me," muttered Jack. "We're at a _band camp_?"

"It would seem so, Sir," said Sam.

Jack pulled the car off the road in front of what looked like an old barn a little ways from the field and got out. Shading his eyes, he squinted at the distant figures, trying to pick out someone who might be in charge.

"Jack O'Neill?" came a voice from behind him. Turning, he saw a man striding out of the barn, a few high school aged kids in tow.

"Nick Reich?" he said, coming around the car. "What the -" he glanced at the kids, "heck are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Jack," the man said, shaking Jack's hand. "I work here."

"Who's this?" asked Daniel.

"This is…" he glanced at his friend, eyebrows raised.

"Colonel," the man supplied.

"Colonel Nick Reich. An old buddy of mine." He glanced around. "You work here?"

"Sure," the man said with a grin. "I'm in the Air Force band - you know that. Help instruct these guys in my spare time." He made a vague wave at the kids behind him.

"Why aren't they on the field with the others?" Jack asked, naturally suspicious of anyone who hung out in a shady barn while every one else marched around in the heat.

"They're the pit, Jack," said Nick. "Not that I'd expect you to know what that is," he added. Daniel and Sam grinned at each other.

"There does not appear to be a pit anywhere in the vicinity," observed Teal'c. Nick glanced at him, eyes widening as he took in the Jaffa's stature and Mickey Mouse baseball cap.

"It's a marching term for some of the larger instruments," supplied Daniel.

"Right…" said Nick. "Listen, Jack, what on Earth are you doing here?"

Jack mumbled something.

"What?"

"We got lost, okay?" he said again.

Nick grinned. "They let you drive?" Seeing Jack's expression, he hurried onwards. "Well, we're almost done for the morning here anyway - I was just about to take this bunch up for noon dismissal. Why don't you come along and we'll see what Brian says."

"Brian?"

"He's the director." Nick turned to face his bunch of four students. "Guys, this is an old Air Force buddy of mine, Jack O'Neill." Jack nodded, a slightly surly expression on his face. "And these are…?"

"Captain Sam Carter, Sir," said Sam, offering a hand.

"Daniel Jackson." Daniel shook Nick's hand as well, fighting back the urge to beg for a cup of coffee.

"My name is Teal'c," said Teal'c, bowing slightly.

"Right…" said Nick, giving Teal'c the sort of look usually reserved for escaped lunatics. "These are Emma, Kate, Tri, and Ryan." The kids nodded or smiled a greeting, all casting sidelong glances at Teal'c.

"Nice to meet you," said Jack. "Now, about our car…"

"Come on," said Nick. "We'll get it sorted out over lunch." With that he was off, trotting toward the field. After one last look at Teal'c and company, the kids took off after him, whispering among themselves. Jack sighed and followed suit, team in tow.

By the time SG-1 reached the field, all fifty or so students were huddled in the middle, standing at detail, while their instruments lay along the sidelines.

"Sectionals this afternoon…talk to DI's to find out where your section is meeting," came a loud voice from the center of the mass. "There's a storm warning out for tonight, so we'll probably run music only somewhere dry." A quick round of cheers followed that announcement, but soon died. "Don't leave anything on the field or it becomes mine…pushups to get it back. Sectionals start at two - I'd better not see anyone wandering around when they're not supposed to be. Band ten-hut!" Fifty something kids snapped to a passable imitation of attention. Jack raised his eyebrows. "Band, dismissed!" 

As the huddle broke apart to go find instruments and other various things, Jack caught sight of a man in his late twenties or early thirties. Nick pushed forward to talk to him.

After a few moments of emphatic hand gestures from Nick and some sidelong glances from the other man - who Jack figured must be Brian - the two made their way across the now empty field.

"Brian Strom," said the other man, holding out his hand. "Director."

"Jack O'Neill," Jack said as he accepted the younger man's hand. "Colonel."

"Pleased to meet you," said Brian, nodding politely to Daniel and Teal'c and flashing a grin at Sam. To Jack's annoyance she grinned back. "I hear you're stranded?"

"Yeah, our car's out of gas."

Daniel muttered something that sounded like it involved the words military intelligence.

"And our archaeologist is out of coffee," added Jack.

Brian grinned. "Well, we can't do anything about the car right now. As I said, there's a big storm warning out and everything's shut down. We have some parents coming up on a supply run tomorrow, though. I'll call and see if they can bring some gas for the car." He looked up at the sky. "Strictly speaking, I shouldn't let you stay here, since you're not cleared with the school. But, since you're friends of Nick's and there's a major storm on the way, I don't think I really have much choice."

"Thanks," said Jack, noticing how the guy's eyes kept slipping to Sam.

"Why don't we head down to the mess hall?" said Nick brightly. "I'm dying to get something to eat." He glanced at Daniel. "And, if we hurry, there might even be some coffee left."

Jack had never seen Daniel Jackson move so fast. "Danny!" he called to his friend's retreating back. "You don't even know where the mess hall is!"

~

NB: I couldn't resist. The idea of SG-1 at band camp appealed to me in some strange way…my deepest apologies to all of you. However, if anyone has actually read this far and is interested in more, please let me know.


	3. Calvary

Coffee mug firmly in hand, Daniel glanced around the mess hall for an empty table.  Jack was sitting with the instructors, swapping stories with Nick, but Daniel wasn't really in the mood to listen to joke after joke at his expense.  There didn't really seem to be any other empty tables in the room, though.

The entire place was packed with students, shouting and joking.

He caught sight of a one table, less crowded than the others, where the kids seemed to be speaking at a reasonable level.  There also seemed to be something else at that particular table that was lacking throughout the rest of the room.  Books.

He nudged Sam as she came up beside him and nodded toward the table.

As they approached, one of the girls poured herself a glass of red Kool-Aid, making a face as she did so.  There were only five students at the table, one of whom - the Kool-Aid pourer - Daniel recognized from earlier.

"Hi," he said, stopping by the table.  "Tri, isn't it?"  She looked up.

"Mr. Jackson?" she said, sounding perplexed.  "Captain Carter?"

"Call me Sam.  Mind if we sit with you?"  

The girl glanced at her friends, who soon climbed around to one side of the table so that they all faced Daniel and Sam as they sat down.

"And call me Daniel."  He took a long, warm sip of his coffee.  Suddenly the world was bright and happy, full of wonderful things and fairy tale endings.

"My name's actually Trinity," the girl said.  "Nick has this weird thing about one syllable names, something about being able to shout at us while keeping tempo."  Daniel glanced at Sam, a little confused, but Trinity forged on.  "This is Becky," she said, nodding to the other girl at the table.  "Zach, Eric, and Michael."  The three guys nodded, stuffing food into their faces all the while.  She paused, as if debating with herself whether or not to say something.  "You're an archaeologist?" she asked at last.

Daniel nodded, using a fork to poke at something that had possibly once been macaroni.

"Cool…" she sounded like she wanted to say more, but didn't really know what to say.  Daniel glanced up and, catching sight of the book by her elbow, blinked.

"Are you reading that?"  She glanced down to where he was pointing and nodded.  "At camp?  Why?"

"Hey, it's interesting!" she said defensively.

"No argument here.  But most people don't haul Plato's _Republic to camp with them," said Sam around a mouthful of brownie.  The girl shrugged._

"What's an archaeologist doing in the middle of West Virginia with an Air Force captain and an old buddy of Mr. Reich's?"

"We were, ah…" he glanced at Sam for moral support but she just raised her eyebrows and continued consuming chocolate.  "Taking some artifacts to the capitol and we took a wrong turn."  True enough, he thought, remembering the two cases of low priority alien artifacts in the back of the car.

"From Colorado?"

"How'd you know that?" asked Sam with a frown.

"License plate."

"Oh.  Well, we got really lost."

The kids all looked at each other before Trinity, apparently the group's spokesperson, piped up again.  "You've got an advanced degree in archaeology," she said, nodding to Daniel.  "What about you?" she asked Sam.

"Doctorate in Astrophysics."  The girl's eyebrows shot up.

"And Mr. Reich's friend has to be at least what - a Colonel?"  More nods.  "So…an archaeologist, an astrophysicist, a colonel, and a…very serious man in a Mickey Mouse hat…"

Daniel nodded, not sure why the girl kept restating their credentials.

"And _none of you can read a map?"_

A sharp shout and a strange thrumming sound from outside prevented the two cornered adults from having to answer.

Confused, the kids across the table glanced at each other again, and stood up all at once.  Daniel was beginning to wonder if they were communicating telepathically, but decided that it was unlikely.  Probably.

"What's going on?" asked Jack, strolling over.  Daniel shrugged, watching his former dining companions weaving hurriedly toward the screen door.  "Well, let's go take a look, shall we?"

Reluctant to leave the lure of his coffee, but curious, Daniel compromised by following Jack and Sam, mug surreptitiously still in his grasp.  A mistake, he decided as he ran right into Jack, who had stopped dead in the doorway and managed to spill the still hot liquid down his front.

"Aw, for crying out loud!" shouted Jack, sprinting out of the mess, Sam hot on his heels.  Was she swearing under her breath?  Confused and coffee-soaked, Daniel moved to follow them.  And managed to get the swinging screen door right in his face.  

Sputtering and a little dazed, he finally managed to follow his team out into the humid afternoon.

It took a very long moment for what he was seeing to clarify itself in his mind.

A USAF helicopter, blades still spinning, was squatting in the middle of the camp compound, armed troops deployed and holding the students at bay with rather large guns…

Jack marched right up to the officer who was apparently in charge.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" he demanded, furious.

"Search and rescue mission, sir," provided the major, snapping off a sharp salute.  Daniel caught sight of Trinity and her friends, shooting confused and rather nervous looks at one of the soldiers.  He tried to imagine what he would have done if a bunch of armed men had overrun his high school science camp.  Yeah, not good.

"At ease!" Jack shouted, turning to face the airmen.  A few of them hesitated, not quite lowering their weapons.  "Now!"  The guns dropped.  Fast.  Daniel smirked.

It took several minutes and Teal'c's Mickey Mouse hatted assistance to calm Jack down, and Sam still looked ready to commit homicide when the major wrapped up his report.

"So you see, sir, that the General was simply concerned for your safety.  Teams don't often disappear in the middle of West Virginia, and as you are transporting sensitive materials…"

"Yeah, yeah," Jack waved an irritated hand.

"How, exactly, did you find us?" ventured Daniel, trying to cover the coffee stains slowly spreading over his shirts by crossing his arms nonchalantly.  He decided that he probably looked like he was pretending to pose for a cheesy magazine cover.  Just what he needed.

"Tracers on the artifacts, sir," supplied the major.

"Fine," snapped Jack.  "At least we'll be in air conditioning tonight.  Sam, Daniel, go get the stuff from the car and load it up in the bird."

"Yes, sir," said Sam, stepping off briskly.

"What are you doing here, sir?" queried the – rather thick, Daniel decided – major.

"Got lost," grunted Jack.

Following Sam dejectedly, Daniel caught the major's tentative question.

"Did you forget your map, sir?"

Jack's tirade was lost in the murmur of the West Virginian air.

Next time, they were SO drugging Jack before they left Cheyenne Mountain.

**^**

NB: Well, that's all folks.  Sorry it took me so long to update such a short piece.  Valé!


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